Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
