I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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