dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
