At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize