I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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