Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
