this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
