Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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