I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
