Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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