The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
