So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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