get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
