his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
