i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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