I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
