Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
