Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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