the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
