It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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