Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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