god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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