Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
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Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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