What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
