Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
