WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
