go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
