he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
