do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize