so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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