so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
