I am puke
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
