I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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