I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
