He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
