NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
