My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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