Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
