Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
