Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
