his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
