ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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