Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
