I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
