You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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