I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
