Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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