You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
