everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
