Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
