bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
