My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
