Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
