We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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