she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
