my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
