3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
