Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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