You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
even my farts smell like vagina
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
