Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
