So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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