My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
