she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
