It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
