Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He felt like a one man threesome
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
