This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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